Saturday night. I'm putting my son to sleep. First, as always, I tell him a bed time story. We cuddle and then ... he asks me a question ...The question "are you going to die mommy?"
I try to reach my breath, to stay calm. I knew this question would come one day but I was not expecting it so soon, he is not even three years old ... Then he asks if daddy would take care of him if I die ... and then he starts to sob that he doesn't want to be alone ... at this point my throat feels too tight and my heart feels squeezed inside of me ... Me, who always looked at death as a transition, as something very natural and not fearing it. Now I'm caught in earthy feelings of uncertainty and fear ...Was it my maternal instinct to protect my child and to be here for him as long as he needs me that took over me?
I tried to stay calm, keeping it simple and try to reassure him, that I will take a good care of me and so I will normally not die before he is a grown up and that I will take care of him, as well as his daddy will.
Soon enough, he switched the conversation, to my big relief ...
However, the next morning, he brings the topic up, first thing in the morning. (hmmm, I guess I didn't sound so reassuring last night ...). Yet this time, having thought about it a bit, I'm ready to answer it and to be truly really calm and hopefully this time completely reassuring. I think I was as he looked satisfied with my answers and he didn't bring it up since then.
I don't mind this kind of conversation, I guess I was just taken by surprise :-)
How about you, dear parents, how did you explain death to your children? I would love to hear your experiences ...
Hope everyone is having a great day!
9 comments:
oh, so intersting that you post this...had a conversation just the other day with one of my little and wrote a story about it...will post it soon....i think there is a time we have to be honest yet reassure them...their lives wil be touched...
Brian, that's exactly how I felt ... I cannot lie about death, it is a part of our lives ... but as you said the kids needs be reassured as well ...
Oh, what a heavy moment, Birdie... Though I'm not fortunate to be mother to other than a cat, I do believe honesty is the best policy with this topic. Sugar-coating leads to confusion, I'd say. Sharing what we know, our experience is a great way to learn between human beings, even the very young. :o) Lovely post... Happy Day ((HUGS))
Oh my goodness Birdie, what a precious post. Thank you for sharing dear.
my daughter went through a phase always asking me if i was going to die...freaked me out...i was like, do you know something i don't know kid?
I tell her that we all must die but we need to concentrate on life and treasure each moment. show love and live in peace.
she understood death is part of life but it didn't erase the love in our hearts when we stopped running to the store to change the fish in the middle of the night. it was a hard lesson for her to learn but it was beneficial as she soon lost her great-grandmother after and she understood the importance of treasuring life. made it easier.
sending positive vibes and love you way.
p.s. stunning new banner...loving it!
thank you so much all of you, for your words of wisdom ... since I posted this we had some other talks about death (I so relate to what you wrote Se'lah :-) and one question made me laugh out loud (for myself of course) "mommy and when you will grow old and die who is going to take care of my socks"? ... :-)
Birdie, I'm so glad to 'neet' you. Thanks for visiting my blog and saying hello. Your son sounds adorable. I think you were wise. Those questions always come out of the blue! LOL!
love your new header,
how heartfelt your post is.
stay cool,
hope that you have a great day today!
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